Prepping your toddler for Trick or Treating
What a wonderful milestone it is to finally take your toddler out for Trick or Treat! You are looking forward to making memories that will truly last a lifetime.
Yet, what I hear from many parents with toddlers who haven't participated in Trick or Treat before, or that may have a home life with play very grounded in reality, is that this time of the year can feel tricky to navigate as parent’s are also very aware that some of the costumes or decorations can be scary for a young child. You are not alone in feeling this, and it just means that you are attuned to your child’s reality and the way they perceived the world.
In fact, this is an important aspect to be cognizant about regarding their development. From the ages of 0-6, children’s brains absorb and interpret life in a very abstract way, taking all elements of their environment at face value. Once they approach the age of 5, they are able to participate more consciously in distinguishing between reality and fantasy, but during toddlerhood the line is still very blurry. This is a stage in their development when looking at spooky decorations and costumes can feel confusing, as they struggle to differentiate between real and pretend.
How you navigate this time with your young child should be grounded on your family and cultural values, and what feels right for you. There is no "right" answer, but here are a few things you can consider as you prepare to present this tradition to a young child with this stage of their development in mind.
Keep your young child’s perspective in mind
There is so much you as an adult already know about what Halloween is about. Your brain has already worked past the stage of reality vs. fantasy, and to you this is a time you’re looking forward to share with your child. Consider how your expectations may be different from your child’s as you prepare to create realistic expectations and approach the day with empathy toward their perspective:
Your thoughts: "We can finally walk around the neighborhood to grab candy and we get to dress them up! They're gonna have such a blast"
Your child's thoughts: "I 've never worn this outfit before, I don't know that lady--it doesn't feel safe to walk toward her door, is that a real dinosaur?, I'm so sleepy--this is much later than usual; wow, what's this new flavor ! Can I just sit here and explore my new outfit? "
Talk about it ahead of time
You may want to surprise them with the whole trick or treating experience, but what helps a young child enjoy new experiences the most is to know what to expect. Read books about Trick or Treating and look at pictures of other family members or yourself dressed up and out and about. Look at videos of other kids trick or treating or put together a quick story book with drawings or your own pictures (also known as social stories).
Clarify costumes as “dress up” and “pretend play”
This one can be tricky especially before age 2, but you can engage in conversations about it at home and active play to help your child gradually build a concrete understanding of the concept. The key element for them to understand, which will be challenging for your child to fully process in the middle of trick or treating, is that there is still a human, a known friend, or even mom and dad behind the mask or underneath that costume. Remember, your child is taking their surroundings as face value, just as when they see a tree and assume it is a real tree, or are presented with something in their plate and assume it is food: dinosaurs, bats, and hot dogs that make their way toward them in the streets may also feel very real.
Consider conversations at home to clarify costumes as pretend, with the help of videos or pictures, even of the process of how costumes are sewn or put together!
"Some people will have costumes on, like when we dress up. This one here is like a giant jacket that looks like a dinosaur when the person puts it on! It's not a real dinosaur, it's a person playing dress up."
Practice dress up at home as gentle play, especially if you plan to dress up as well.
“Look, this is a mask, the face looks like a bear. It has an elastic that helps it stay to my face like this. Hi! Where’s mom? I’m right here! (peekaboo game with a mask or costume) See? I’m still mommy when I wear this mask. Wanna try it in the mirror with me?
Try a dress rehearsal!
Home is where your child will feel safest, and where they can get familiar with the process and even get used to the new outfit!
Practice by passing out blocks, small toys (that you already own of course!), or snacks around from various rooms inside your home! From the process of walking to a door and knocking, to saying "trick or treat", and doing so all dressed up--this will be a fun game, and practice that will make your young child feel more confident outside your home.
Get familiar with the streets you’ll walk through, and the decorations you will see
Consider getting familiar with the streets you will walk on, even during an early evening stroll to get an idea of what it may look like closer to nighttime. Play a game locating doors and doorbells, and talk about what the decorations you find around (another opportunity to talk about them abstractly).
Similar to other holidays with lights and fun decor, this can be a seasonal family tradition where you walk around your neighborhood as a family exploring, discussing, and connecting.
This may also give you an idea of streets that may not feel as appropriate for your specific preference, or that may simply be too impactful for your child if seen at night, lit up, and with artificial movement.
And in the end, attune to your child’s needs
No matter how much "prep" you do, or how ready you are to explain it all, this day can only be experienced by your child through their stage in brain development, and how they perceive their environment with the skills they have at the time.
Stay alert for signs that they might be too tried, too unsure of wanting to approach a specific home or area, or emotions that get bigger. In that moment, reflect again on your expectations and what you are already used to, and what may be at that moment too much for your child to process.
Not staying for the full event or only making it down a couple of houses does not mean anything other than you are attuned to your child, and you are respecting their needs.
How are you helping your toddler learn about Day of the Dead (November 2nd)
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