Traveling with littles: bringing Montessori and respectful parenting with you
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It’s been so long since many of us had the opportunity to travel—let alone travel with littles. As some of you now have the fortune to reunite with loved ones either by car or plane travel, here is the top question I’ve been getting:
How do I bring along our Montessori and respectful parenting principles on the road?
Your shelf and glass cups may not be coming with you, but there is something more important that you can carry-on at all times: respect for your child as a capable learner, always.
Whether you regularly involve them in practical life and classic Montessori activities at home, or you are simply looking for a way to apply respectful parenting tips as you travel and dive into heavily adult-led activities—here are a few points to consider:
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Prepare your child ahead of time
Discuss and introduce the upcoming travel activity just as you would present and introduce a new activity of material at home. Consider these same elements as you introduce and engage them in travel:
Look up videos of other children traveling (I love this one), show them pictures of yourself in your previous travels, and review books about travel and the airport (if applicable) ahead of time.
Think of the pieces you’ll need to bring with you as you prepare. Luggage, a travel crib, special water bottle for travel, etc: introduce them to all these new things ahead of time, especially if they are meant for them to use!
Introduce the destination and people that will be part of it, whether it is through pictures (hotel room, museum, city hallmarks, family members) or FaceTime, “let’s call aunt Tracy to tell her how excited we are about seeing her soon—maybe she can show us the room where you’re sleeping in while we’re there.”
For older toddlers, review the timeline of events with each day of travel so they know what is happening ahead of time, and remind them of the flow throughout the day: “Today we will first do breakfast, then head to the pool. After the pool we need to gather our things so we can head to the restaurant to eat, then we will have rest time. After rest time, we get to go to the beach”, “Oh yes, I am so ready for the beach too! First rest time, then the beach.”
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Involve them
Montessori fosters independence and autonomy by trusting the child to take on important roles of each activity in an age-appropriate. During travel, you may not be able to give them as much control, but there is always a way to make them feel like they are contributing with a meaningful part of the journey. A few tips:
They can help you pack, and even pack their own backpack or carry on
The goal here is not for their luggage to be fully stocked, but to have ownership of a piece of the process. I will never “fix” the contents of the luggage as long as they are safe an appropriate to carry, and will simply pack the rest of their needed belongings on my own bag.Even the smallest “job” can be meaningful
We need someone to press the elevator button so we can all go up, we need to hand over a boarding pass to get on the plane, and we often need to find a trashcan to clean up after ourselves. All of these, as simple as they may be, can help you keep your child involved, and also alert and aware to their role in the crazy travel routine.Encourage independent thinking
It is very easy to simply announce that is time to go to the bathroom or change a diaper and swoop them up toward the bathroom sign. Consider slowing down for these parts of the routine they are familiar with and help them participate in the process: “alright, time to change your diaper, let’s go to the bathroom—wait, where is grandma’s bathroom? Where is the bathroom in this house? Would you help me look?”. Or help them think about what is needed: “It is so warm out there on the beach and we will get wet with all the water. What do we need to wear? What will you dry yourself with?”. For an infant, process all thinking out loud, instead of just doing it all in silence.Be patient
Young children are unaware of your flight schedule, and will take problem solving how to push a carry on with the same resolve, effort, and care as learning to do anything else. As you expose them to new challenges and long distances, it helps to bring realistic expectations, and a lot of extra buffer time.
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Provide some freedom, within limits
There will be lots of options for food, many of them enticing, or none of them preferred! Likewise with activities, so much to do, or activities they may not be up for in the moment.
Build choices within the planned routine
They may not get to pick the restaurant but maybe they can pick between an orange and apple sauce, or what side of the table to sit on. They may not get to pick what museum you are going to, but they can chose if they want to hold your hand or to be carried as they go in. We can guide and lead the plan, while also acknowledge tiny choices within the plan that don’t alter the flow. Some other examples:Would you like mom or dad to take you to the bathroom?'
Yes, lots of options at this buffet, we are eating from this counter. Would you like scrambled eggs or hard-boiled eggs?
We packed the green shirt or the blue shirt as options: which one do you prefer?
Set limits
This may not be your usual routine, but within the crazy vacation flow it is important to keep boundaries. As excited as they may seem to participate and do it all, those boundaries provide them the message that they are safe, and that someone has their back. All of the prep from the previous sections, such as sharing with them the plan, having them help based on the activities that will happen, and reminding them of the plan along the way, will help provide everyone a road map of what to expect for the next hours. Use that preparation and plan as your guiding tool.In this hallway we need to walk with an adult. Would you like to hold my hand or ride in the stroller?
I know you want to walk go in the water by yourself. My job is to keep you safe, and right now that means I need to hold you in my arms so we can go in together.
That looks just like your toy at home, but it belongs to your cousin. Let’s ask her if we can have a turn using it.
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Be flexible with your own parenting journey
You may not have the floor bed with you, or materials for them at reach, but all the respect and involving from points above is communicating to your child, “you matter, you are capable, you are safe with me.” In the end, that is the goal. We ask so much patience and adapting of our children when we travel, so apply that same patience and adapting to your own expectations along the way, including the following:
Routine
Travel is anything but predictable, but even if it’s not at the exact usual times, try to keep the order of events the same. For example, at whatever time you are able to put them in bed, brush teeth, read a book, and tuck them in, just like you would at home—even if all of those steps take place in the one crammed hotel room. Amongst the chaotic day, keeping the same ritual will help kick in that predictability they need to feel safe and at ease, which promotes collaboration and engagement.Tantrums
Changes in routine, skipped naps, joy to see others, sugar rush… the list goes on and on for the potential triggers for big emotions as the day comes to a close. Be kind to your child, and yourself in the process. Emotions WILL run high and it is not a direct reflection of your parenting skills. At all times, remember that within the big emotions and the chaos there is also joy, and at the end of the day your child will look at you as the source of calm, comfort, and the boundaries they know will keep them safe.
What about your usual Montessori materials?
In truth, you are your child’s most important tool. You don’t need breakable glasses or a shelf to communicate to your child that they are capable and respected. It is in the flexibility, and a focus on joy over perfection, that you will make the memories and be amazed by what you child can accomplish when you least expect it.
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