Understanding our child’s emotional development
Children at every stage demonstrate such wisdom and hard work that we tend to forget how young they are and how immature their socio-emotional brain is. It is not until we struggle with our child’s strong emotions at home (sadness, anger, and everything in between) that we ask ourselves: “Is this normal?”, “Why is this happening?”, “What do I do?”, “How do I help them?”
Learning about emotions, and understanding them, is a complex process for the young brain that will require a lot of trial and error, patience and respectful guidance. When we talk about supporting your child’s emotional development, we are talking about laying down the foundation for your child’s awareness, understanding and regulation of their emotions for years to come. We are building their emotional intelligence.
For children, emotional intelligence is a work in progress. The prefrontal cortex, region of the brain in charge of self-regulation, is in continuous development and will not mature until your child’s mid-twenties! That’s a long time from now. And while it may feel like a long period of time in which your child will continue the learning process, those years represent an opportunity for you to guide this learning and build their skillset.
As with any other type of learning, it is important to remember that the emotional learning process for each child is unique. Each will develop at their own pace, with unique challenges, speed, and path. As you consider the information from this blog and other sources in supporting your child’s emotional development at home, it is also important to have in mind that emotional development encompasses different skills.
These are the three main areas that experts in the field have identified in their study of emotional intelligence in early childhood:
Emotion knowledge and awareness
The child’s understanding of what an emotion is, labeling it and recognizing it based on facial expression and body language, in others and within themselves. This knowledge evolves and fine tunes as children also learn where emotions come from (situations or social settings). Emotion knowledge is crucial for emotion regulation: in order to regulate and express our emotions, we need to first understand them.
Emotion expression
The way in which children communicate how they feel. Also a continued work in progress. Emotion expression is the way through which a child communicates their reaction to social situations (new school, new baby sitter, doctor’s visit) or social interactions (a hug, sharing a toy, saying goodbye). We often quickly jump to identifying how our child expresses joy or anger, but emotional intelligence involves learning how to display and process other complex emotions like pride, guilt and shame (to just name a few).
As subtle as kicking their feet or excitedly flapping their arms as babies, as intense as an anger outburst or a bit confusing like suddenly crying during a perfectly familiar situation—all of our children’s behavior is communication,
Emotion self-regulation
A child’s ability to understand their own body and behavior during emotions, and ability to regulate this behavior as they express their emotions according to different settings or situations. This is a lot of work for the young child! Through continued practice, emotion regulation involves engaging in behavior that is appropriate to the context, along with engaging in strategies to effectively communicate their emotions in the process. Learning and applying strategies for emotion regulation is a process in which continuously need respectful and empathetic assistance assistance with and feedback.
Why does Emotional Intelligence matter?
Emotional intelligence contributes to children’s academic and social adjustment throughout their entire life (Denham et al., 2003). Children with higher levels of emotional intelligence are more engaged in learning, have more positive relationships, are more empathetic, regulate their behavior more effectively, and have more curiosity and enthusiasm for their environment (Raver, Garner, Smith-Donald, 2007; Eegum et al. 2011; Halberstadt et al., 2001). As they grow into adulthood, this translates into better relationships, more effective stress management and more positive feelings about their life and professional choices (Brackett, Rivers, & Salovey 2011).
Most importantly, understanding the process for our child’s emotional growth, and its importance, can be a tool for us to guide our respect of this part of learning. We are often vigilant of all sorts of developmental milestones and want to provide what we can to support our child’s growth. To whatever extent is possible, we think of ways to support language development, give opportunities for practicing and fine-tuning their physical skills, later on add also turning our focus to support their academic development in whatever way we can.
Emotional development is no different, it deserves the same attention and respect as any other area of a child’s development. It is an integral part of your child’s skillset for successfully navigating their world, and the work we put toward supporting their emotional development early on is as important as the effort we put toward any other aspect of their growth. The prefrontal cortex, that region of the brain in charge of self-regulation, builds and makes connections faster during childhood than at any other time in our lives. Engaging in helping our children understand emotions and providing them with skills to navigate the process of regulating them during childhood, can represent providing them tools to become happier adults.
Supporting emotional development at home
Supporting emotional development at home does not mean we have to have all the answers. It also does not mean that we will be able to avoid the challenges that come as children learn how to regulate their emotions. Strategies for strengthening emotional intelligence is a topic that will continue unfolding in this space with more concrete tools and ideas, but at the heart of anything I ever recommend, the goals for the adult remain the same:
Create a safe space where all emotions are welcome
Maintain an empathetic and respectful presence for the emotions as they emerge, and run their course
Practice gentle but firm leadership for our child as they learn how to communicate their emotions, and regulate their behavior in the process.
Engage in teaching about emotions, and strategies to navigate them, when the brain is ready for learning: during play, throughout the day, and after your child has calmed down from experiencing big emotions (instead of as they experience them).
To remember that a powerful aspect of your guidance is your own behavior and how you implement strategies for your own emotion regulation.
I previously wrote about some supportive strategies for promoting emotional development at home, such as acknowledging emotions and using Montessori-inspired materials as a tool for emotion learning. As I continue sharing more about this important topic, don’t forget to subscribe to Whole Child Home’s newsletter to be the first to hear about updates and more ideas for supporting your child’s development at home.
“Learning about emotions is a complex process for the young brain. Supporting emotional development deserves the same patience and support as any other aspect of a child’s development.”
